


Multiply but don't carry the one

by CynicalRheums



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Confused Kyun, Fluff, Jealous Min, Kiho are platonic, Light Angst, M/M, Min doesn't see it that way, Polyamory, Sad Ki, Sick Fic, Slow Burn, Subtle Kiho, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-11-16 14:57:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18096560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynicalRheums/pseuds/CynicalRheums
Summary: Where Kihyun is sad, Minhyuk is jealous, and Changkyun is confused. Subtlety isn't Kihyun's forte but neither is Mihyuk's nor Changkyun's. It takes three to play the game.Behind the current dilemma is another thread of problems waiting to happen. Wonho is caught in between, Hyungwon just wants to sleep, Shownu is way too oblivious for his own good, and Jooheon tries to fix someone else's love life but forgets about his own.Forget about three. Seven can play the damned game.





	1. Innocent Cuddles Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> It all begins with innocent platonic cuddles. Shit followed afterwards.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone was tired and Kihyun felt like he was run over by a truck repeatedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Innocent cuddles gone wrong from someone else's eyes.

Yoo Kihyun always thought of the word 'tired' was an understatement. Boy, he was wrong. The fact that he rarely admits he is wrong tells that exhaustion was indeed not overrated. Redundant but he doesn't really care. All he wants was an ounce of sleep (a lot of it actually) that has been deprived from him. 

He was exhausted it that he can barely keep his eyes open as he stepped out of the luxury of the company car. The main vocalist missed a step as he stifled a yawn, stumbling forward and fisting the shirt of whoever the person in front of him was to keep his feet on the ground.

It turned out be Hoseok. The smaller boy cursed his luck. His hyung has been aware of his unfortunate state since morning, therefore pulling him into a warm cuddling session on the set of Idol Radio as the latter softly sang lullaby in his ears in the attempt of easing the crease of his eyebrows. Kihyun would tell a lie if he said it was all it ever did. 

Everything that has passed seemed to be a mere fleeting glance. He remembered dancing to Tempo with a red bucket hat atop his brown curls, a promise to the fans on a fanmeeting that he'll practice the choreography and do better. He kept his word.

But the brown-haired could barely keep the bile rising on the back of his throat.

"Kihyun?"

The main vocalist swallowed hard before humming in response. His saliva was thick and bitter, he fought the urge to throw up. Not here, he told himself. The smaller just wanted to run and be in the confines of his bedroom but he knew it will arise further discussion from his fellow member the next day. He tried hard to keep his feet on the ground and he'd like to believe that he had succeeded to keep the pain written from his features. Hoseok was looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and his lips set on a thin line, worry etched on his beautiful face. Kihyun let out a smile which was returned with an unimpressed stare.

"Just tired, hyung."

Kihyun knew that the pink-haired vocalist knew he was lying. It was the reason why he was by his side throughout the day, even went as far as sitting beside him on the van while massaging his shoulders. Don't get him wrong, he was glad for it. Thankful, even. The latter can see through him the best, even better than himself. The brown-haired vocalist shivered at the thought.

"But—"

"Excuse me."

Minhyuk huffed, annoyance clear on his tone. His shoulder bumped into Hoseok (who barely moved an inch) as he walks past them with scurrying steps to the front door, his grip on his duffel bag too tight but neither of the two noticed. Rather, Kihyun pretends not to notice. 

The main vocalist decided against on the retort at the tip of his tongue as he remembered the black-haired visual being on a bad mood since leaving the radio show. He has no energy left to banter with the man. Instead, he opted to give a weak smile to his hyung that was still looking at him worriedly.

"Go ahead, hyung. I'll lock up."

The latter looked at him before stiffly nodding. Kihyun smiled. That was what he meant when Hoseok knew him better than himself. He knows his limits. He knew that the main vocalist opted to be alone this time.

He watched the the buff man's retreating figure before bending down to take his shoes off. Kihyun sighed, relaxing his feet as it was freed of the insoles that kept bugging him since the morning.

A small smile was tugged on his lips but that was before he tumbled again for the second time in five minutes. 

With quick reflexes, he placed his outstretched arm on the wall to balance himself. The brunette closed his eyes, dizziness setting in. He stood still for a few more seconds before detaching himself from the wall and shifting his gaze downwards.

Kihyun wanted to scream. He decided not to.

There are five pairs of shoes on the doormat, owners seemingly unaware of the shoe rack just beside the door. He pulled at his hair out of frustration, disappointment deep on his chest. Normally, he would nag at his fellow members for their 'ignorance of simple sanitary procedures' but today was different. He wanted to be angry but being angry was so tiresome. He didn't want to be exhausted any further. 

He bent bent down and put five pairs of shoes on the rack. Five pairs, which meant only one member aside from him had the heart to put his shoes on the rack. The main vocalist smiled weakly, he already knew who it was.

He stumbled onto his own room. He sleeps alone like Hoseok, they both have their own room while the other members tend to share. The short vocalist was lonely though his pride prevents him from admitting it out loud. It just felt so empty compared to the lively atmosphere of Minhyuk and Changkyun's room or the calm and laid back aura the three other members share. It was not very often that he thought he was fortunate to be in a room alone, and tonight was one of those times. 

Kihyun's headache has worsened during the trip back back to the dorm and he wasn't in the very least means exaggerating when he said that his head felt like it's about to crack open like a walnut. He fought the urge to throw up, saliva bitter on his mouth. With hurried steps, he opened the door to his comfort room with futile attempts and threw up on the floor, barely missing the toilet. Tears brimmed his eyes as he grabbed paper towels with trembling hands and wiped the spot clean. He'd made a mental note of cleaning his bathroom when he had the chance.

The brown-haired let out a whimper as he stood, knees buckling with the effort and washed his still shaking hands on the sink. He looked on the mirror and saw a figure staring back at him.

Red eyes lined with smudged eyeliner and light eyeshadow. Dark bags under his eyes barely hidden by the concealer. Thin pale lips—

Yoo Kihyun felt pathetic.

He splashed cold water into his face, clenching his eyes shut. The water bristled on his skin. It hurt and somehow it brought comfort to the raging thoughts of the lost boy.

He grabbed the makeup remover and cottons from the counter above the mirror. He popped the cap of the bottle open and poured liquid onto the cotton before dabbing his face clean with the wet material. He hissed when a spot near his cheeks hurt as the cotton skidded past. The vocalist pressed deeper, reveling on the pain. He looked at the mirror. There was a small cut on his skin, barely visible but still there.

He shook his head as he backed away from the bath room, opting for the comfort of his bed. He's had enough of his thoughts for the day. 

Settling under his red duvet with a wolf plushie in his arms, Kihyun wondered how would it feel if he was snuggling against Minhyuk instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He was hugging his plushie, wishing it was someone he know instead.


	2. Something Just Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun pretends his headache isn't there, just like how he pretends that his feelings are not real. The only difference is, he does the latter unconsciously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A not-so-normal chaotic day in the household.

Kihyun stirred awake, headache dull on his temples. He clenched his eyes shut, wishing for the pain to go away but it didn't. It doesn't work that way. Something sits at the back of his throat and he immediately made a bee line for the toilet, scraping his knees as it hit the tiles with a thud, his trembling hands gripping the toilet cover tight. 

The main vocalist gagged, liquid dripping onto the water. He dry-heaved into the toilet, his stomach churning. It was not even bile, he hasn't been eating much lately and he already emptied his stomach last night. He flushed the toilet and stood, visibly strained at the effort. He stripped from yesterday's clothes and wished that a hot shower will make him feel better. 

It did made him feel better. The rather hot drips of water on his skin brought ease to the lad's confused mind. Dressed in an oversized shirt and sweat pants, the brunette walk towards the kitchen with heavy steps opting for breakfast. His ears were ringing, he pretended it wasn't there. 

Hearing the rather loud steps from the lithe vocalist, Changkyun looked up from his bowl of cereals (that seems to be swimming in milk) and smiled. Jooheon mumbled words which sound suspiciously like 'good morning'. Hyunwoo, who made an effort to look at him behind the refrigerator door, nodded at him as the leader shuffled through tupperwares to what seems like a feeble attempt of looking for some real food to eat (unlike the maknae line who are shoving cereals down their throats). Hoseok was already heating his packed ramyeon, Hyungwon was munching on his cereals without any milk while Minhyuk barely spared him a glance as his eyes were on his phone, bread held between his teeth. 

Kihyun fought the urge to roll his eyes. It was a rare occurrence for the shortest member to wake the last in the dorm, as he was usually a morning person and preferred to work early. It has always been his unspoken task to wake his fellow members up, to cook for them (since he is the only one who can cook decent food) and to make the dorm spotless. He supposes he needs a pay rise. Maybe he'll tell his proposition to the manager later on. 

"Slept good, hyung?"

The maknae asked him, doe brown eyes looking upon him under thick lashes. The brown-haired vocalist stilled, taking in the sight in front of him rather than the question being asked. Changkyun was still staring at him and he panicked, nodding though it was far from a good night's sleep.

He ignored the fast beating of his heart and mentally swore profanities at himself. The brunette cleared his throat before opting for a snippy remark to hide the current dilemma he was in.

"Seriously? I woke up later than usual and this is what happens?"

Hyungwon opened his mouth, not to speak but to let out a yawn. Kihyun blinked as the lead dancer let out what is seems to be a sympathetic yet bashful smile. Only he can pull something like that. 

"It's already a quarter past eleven, if you'd like to know."

Minhyuk mumbled his eyes still on his dimly-lighted phone, which later followed the main vocalist as the latter joined their leader on his refrigerator quest, which is empty except for the leftover beef stew and omulet rice. 

"You'll cook breakfast, won't you, hyung?"

Changkyun muttered with hopeful eyes, milk dripping from his chin. Jooheon, cooed at the sight and ruffled the maknae's hair, cooing even more as the blonde pouted, dimples in full display. Someone with dimples deep as the sea cooing over someone else's dimples. Minhyuk blanched at the sight. 

"It's hardly considered breakfast, anyway."

"Anything will do unless you'll hand me a bowl of ramen."

"Hey!"

Hyunwoo stared unamused at the second eldest, his undying love for ramen clear as a day. The leader can still remember that the pink-haired vocalist promised not to eat ramen anymore. Which turned out to be a promise not to eat too many. That is if he considered that two packs of ramen a day is normal. 

The main vocalist merely sighed at the usual antics of his members. Shuffling through cupboards, he grabbed a pack of flour and dropped half of the contents on a bowl alongside a bowl of butter. 

"What will you make, Kihyunnie?"

The latter merely spared a glance at Hoseok who had his chin on the shorter's shoulder, watching him whip through the counter. The pink-haired was standing behind him, a steaming bowl of what used to contain ramen on his hands. 

"Ew. Domestic."

Hyungwon rolled his eyes and shoved a spoonful of cereals, the tip of the spoon hitting the roof of his mouth harder than it was supposed to do and he prevented the urge to gag. Jooheon looked at the lead dancer sitting in front of him with a knowing glance which made the boy squirm on his seat uncomfortably. 

"It's buttered shrimp and chicken."

Hyunwoo sighed in relief. He's had enough chicken for days but he figured that chicken is still better than cereals and ramen. At least the main vocalist spared them mercy and decided to also cook shrimp. 

Hoseok had his arm around the main vocalist, a feeble attempt to dip his finger on the bowl of butter. He was barely given a chance as his hand was swatted away from the potential taste of food. 

The sound of a chair scraping harshly at the tiles jolted the still sleepy members awake, Hoseok grabbing the momentary chance to dip his fingers on the butter and brought it to his mouth. 

Kihyun pinch the bridge of his nose with his free hand, his headache returning as he spared the fleeting figure of the usually bubbly member a worried glance. 

Six pairs of eyes followed the black-haired visual as he slammed the door of his room shut. Four, worried. One, confused as he was still enjoying the taste of his butter on his mouth. He wondered if butter normally tasted bitter or it was just him. 

Only Lee Jooheon, the black-haired rapper, eyed the retreating figure with a sly smirk on his lips, dimples on full display.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will always be someone who knows.


	3. Suppose it's Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun would like to believe that everything's back to what it used to be.

An eerie silence settled over the once chaotic dorm. Everyone, aside from Hoseok who was dipping his fingers on the butter again, was wondering what made the cheery visual upset. The sound of the door slamming still rang on the main vocalist's ears and he knew that the other members experience the same. At least this time, he doesn't have to pretend it didn't exist. 

"What?"

It was Hoseok, who just licked his finger clean with a resonating pop that lingered in the silent atmosphere of the kitchen. Kihyun would like to think that Hyunwoo isn't as oblivious as he seems as long as the pink-haired vocalist will be there. 

Jooheon sighed but it was a mere attempt to hide the grin his lips wore. The short vocalist blinked, it was gone. He'd like to think that he was hallucinating. If he only knew that he weren't. 

Hyungwon and Hoseok were engaged on a conversation, the latter untangling his arms from Kihyun and plopping himself on a chair instead. The part-time dorm cook didn't listen, leaving the voices of his fellow members a dull sound on his ears. Saying that he was worried for his member he share the same age with would be an understatement. But he figured that there are things he should be more worried about. 

The lunch or was it breakfast? Either way, it was awkward to say the least. The members had told Changkyun call Minhyuk, as the latter seems to have grown a soft spot for their maknae. Everyone on the group has. He'd be lying if he said that he doesn't have one too. Maybe something even deeper than that. 

He'd be happy to see Minhyuk back on his normal bubbly self again. He always is. That's why the main vocalist wondered why his chest constricted as he saw Minhyuk hugging Changkyun from behind as they walked towards the dining table, the maknae struggling to take a step but still held a smile on his lips. 

He knew that the black-haired visual is clingy. The boy lives off attention and loves cuddles. He needed someone to rub the excess puppy energy off him and his willing victims were the rappers of the band. Kihyun liked to believe that he has already grown used to it. Still, the numb feeling on his chest grows and he doesn't wonder why. He already knew. 

The table grew silent as the pair padded closer to the table. The brunette saw their leader furrow his eyebrows, his mouth opening as if to say something then closing again. He wouldn't blame the oldest, the atmosphere was suffocating. 

"Hyung, the chicken is great!"

The main rapper exclaimed which Kihyun returned with a smile. He appreciated the effort of the second youngest to liven the oddly silent group. Fair enough, Jooheon seemed the calmest on the room, almost forgetting the tension that seemed to eat the room alive. 

"Chicken's great only if you didn't get to eat it three times a day."

"We don't it it thrice a day, Hyungwon."

"Yeah. Only twice."

"I'm like TT. Just like—"

"What the actual fuck."

"Language, young man."

"Who are you? My dad?"

"Honey hyung prefers to call Hyunwoo hyung — daddy."

The main vocalist snorted at the offended look on the main rapper's face. Changkyun laughed aloud, his finger pointed at the older rapper's mouth which was left agape, rice falling from his mouth. 

"That's unsanitary, Jooheon."

Hyungwon mumbled lowly as rice from the black-haired rapper fell on his hand but the latter didn't seem to hear, his small eyes into slits as he bore daggers onto the maknae's skull. 

"You little shit."

"Well, you prefer 'em big, don't you hyung?"

Hyunwoo remains unbothered, still munching on the chicken like his life depended on it. Their leader was oblivious as he always was. Minhyuk was watching the scene in front of him unfold with the usual spark on his eyes, Hyungwon was hogging the shrimps to himself and Hoseok looked like the rappers personally offended him, his eyes wide and mouth wide open. 

Kihyun would like to think that everything's back to what it used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Except it isn't.


	4. Broken Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun knew everything was starting to fall apart and it's all because of him.

Kihyun was exhausted, and he still is. The ringing on his ears has grown prominent. Louder than it was before. It also didn't help that dizziness started to settle, leaving the brunettes's mind on haze. His pale hands gripped the wet kitchen counter. He coughs, exhaling the dust-riddled air from his lungs. His head is pounding in rhythm with the sound in his ears. The brown-haired vocalist closed his eyes, it was getting too hard to breathe. 

The dishes. The main vocalist opened his eyes at the thought and regained his composure, his shoulders tense. He grabbed a plate with trembling hands and glided the wet sponge against the smooth surface. His knees buckled and before he knew it, the plate slipped from his hands and crashed on the floor, the sound resonating past the kitchen. 

The shortest vocalist (among the group) hissed in pain, a shred of glass was stuck in his leg and there are blood. Too much blood. He couldn't breathe. 

"Kihyun-ah!"

Someone called his name and it sounded too far away. A figure loomed over him reaching for his arms but he stumbled backwards and hit his head on the counter. All he saw was a shock of black hair and worried unblinking eyes before he passed out. 

"He's burning literally!"

"He has fever, Jooheon."

"Shouldn't we bring him to a hospital?"

"Hyung hates hospitals."

"But that's too high for a—"

"He's stirring awake!"

Kihyun's eyelids felt heavy. His throat was sore, his limbs numb, and his chest tight. He felt as if he just fell from heaven straight into hell and below. Dramatic as it was (and he didn't know what it felt like), the main vocalist felt worse than before. 

He opened his eyes and blinked. It was too bright and his vision was a blur but he can see six silhouettes towering over him. He allowed his eyes to settle in the sight in front of him. 

"Kihyun-ah.."

The main vocalist shifted his gaze to the oldest of the band, worry etched on his usually calm and neutral face. 

"I'm okay, hyung. Just felt dizzy for a bit."

The brunette let out a laugh to convince but his throat denied him as let out a hard cough instead. He felt hands gently tapping his back providing him ease for the current discomfort. 

Hyunwoo furrowed his thick eyebrows further and stared at the horribly pale vocalist unamused. 

"Minhyuk was the one who saw you earlier before you passed out."

The bed-ridden member stiffened at the name before slowly shifting his gaze across the room. Jooheon was staring at his hyung with worried eyes. Hoseok was sitting by the end of his bed, his lips set on a pout (Kihyun bets the pout was unintentional). Hyungwon was standing behind Hoseok, his hands pressed on the pink-haired shoulders. Changkyun has his eyebrows furrowed, his lips on a thin line. He knew that the maknae was good at hiding his emotions, his face was neutral and the main vocalist couldn't read what the latter was thinking. He forced his eyes away when he figured he was already staring. 

His gaze lingered on the black-haired visual currently standing by the doorway, arms crossed across his chest and looking at him expressionless. Kihyun gulped, he knew the boy was angry. The main vocalist knew his fellow November-baby the most. 

"Thank you—"

But the latter already turned his back and stormed out of the room before he could even finish. 

Awkward silence settled among the group for the nth time of the day. The lack of noise was overwhelming and Kihyun internally begged for anyone to say a thing. 

"What's wrong with him and his fetish for leaving lately? For fuck's sake, can't he grow up and be considerate at least once? Someone is sick! Kihyunnie is sick!"

That wasn't what he expected to hear and the main vocalist opted for silence once again but he knew it was already too late. He wished for it and that's what he had. 

Hoseok abruptly stood from the bed and walked towards the door, accidentally hitting Hyungwon in the process. The latter stumbled back, his eyes on the floor and teeth worrying his lower lip as his hand flew to his lower abdomen, pain setting in. With wide strides, Jooheon walked towards the enraged pink head and held the collar of his shirt, the main rapper's face stoic. 

"I'll talk to him."

"But—"

"I will talk to him."

The second oldest sagged. He was scared of the second youngest, his gaze too intense. Hoseok could tell he was mad and wished the main rapper would perk up and do aegyo like what he used to do. He didn't. The pink-haired vocalist nodded stiffly, eyes downcast. 

"Fix your shit."

Hoseok bit his lips to prevent the retort on the tip of his tongue. He just got disrespected by his dongsaeng and his pride was too big for that. He knew he deserved it, the words died on his mouth. 

"Wonnie.."

The lead dancer wasn't looking at him, he was biting his lower lip and tears were brimming on his doe brown eyes. Hoseok felt his heart shatter. 

"Hyungwon, I'm so—"

The latter moved fast, walking towards the door. The tall visual has already left the room when the pink-haired vocalist snapped out of his trance. He forgot about the four other members in the room, staring at the scene in front of the with wide eyes. Hyungwon maybe fast but Hoseok was faster. He caught the wrist of the thin visual, stopping him from his tracks. The tall vocalist stiffened. 

"L-let go."

The black-haired vocalist's voice broke. Hoseok pretended he didn't know his heart was just the same. The lead vocalist shook his head. He knew it was no use, Hyungwon couldn't see it. 

"Hyung, please.."

Hoseok fought the urge to cry. He has no right to cry, he reminded himself of that. Instead, he engulfed the taller visual in a tight back hug. 

"H-hyung.."

"Wonnie, I'm sorry, it was an accident. Hyung didn't meant to hurt you. I'm sorry..."

Hyungwon sagged against his arms, sobs breaking through his calm stupor. The second eldest pretended once again that he didn't feel something something clawing it's easy out of his chest. 

By the end of the hallway, the black-haired rapper was looking at the scene in front of him with furrowed eyebrows. He sighed. 

"You're such a martyr, Hyungwon.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is a martyr, be it in the simplest ways.


	5. Fly With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tears, intertwined hands and a song for you.

Consciousness came like a ten-wheeler truck crashing against Kihyun's mind, his eyes blearily opening and processing his current situation half-awake. The two remaining members who were left in the room with him stared at each other, having some sort of telepathic conversation the main vocalist can't understand. 

Their faces were stoic and the main vocalist shivered at the sight of the eldest and the youngest of the group having an expressionless staring contest. After what seems like a minute, Hyunwoo let out a sigh before turning towards the bed-ridden brunette with his usual smile. Everything is going to be alright, that's what the older's smile meant. He liked to believe that it will be.

The leader left the room with such stealth that the creaking hinges of his door didn't make a sound. He wouldn't even know that he was left alone in the comfort of the maknae if he wasn't staring at their leader's retreating figure. For the nth time of the day, someone has turned his back to him.

"It's not what you think, hyung."

Kihyun would know that deep, soothing voice anywhere. He let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding. He felt the bed dip as the lead rapper laid beside him. The main vocalist felt his heart beating fast, the sound overwhelming the whispers in his ears. 

The brunette could see what the blonde was doing from the full-length mirror across his bed. The main vocalist was wearing an oversized blue hoodie. It belonged to the lead rapper. He just knew. Changkyun was also wearing a gray hoodie two sizes big for him as answer to his already answered question. The hoodie he was wearing was definitely the maknae's. 

As if reading his thoughts, the blonde mumbled in his deep voice. Kihyun fought to lean into the chest of the younger. The blonde-haired rapper seemed to have read the thoughts he was hiding to himself as he pulled the brown-haired vocalist snug against his chest. 

"Hyung, I sort of changed your clothes earlier, I hope you wouldn't mind. You were shivering in those white shirt of yours so.. Don't worry, I didn't look."

He saw the way the youngest's ears had turned into a deep shade of red, Changkyun faked a cough and Kihyun stifled a laugh. 

He saw and felt at the same time when the younger shifted his weight to his right arm and slipped his left hand on the mop of the vocalist's hair. He reveled in the way the rapper's fingers felt in his tousled hair. He leaned further into the touch and the vocalist saw the way the rapper let out his dimples smile. 

"It's not your fault, hyung. Don't listen to the whispers. They're not who you think they are."

Kihyun was still staring at the mirror. He didn't miss the way the younger kissed the top of his head, right on his messy curls. His cheeks felt hot and he saw the way it blushed against his pale skin. He watched as the younger smiled at him when the latter thought he wasn't looking. The thing is, he could see everything from the mirror in from of them. 

Something overwhelming clawed its way out of his chest. He had that smile memorized on the depths of his skull, as it is the same one that he let out whenever the younger wasn't looking at him. Changkyun's eyes were crescents, his lips wore a soft grin, his dimples shown in the soft flab of his cheeks. 

The brown-haired vocalist couldn't believe what he has seeing. He blinked. It was still there, only this time, the rapper's smile was directed at the mirror in from of them. The pace of his heart's beating was faster if it was even possible. 

"As long as I'm here, you shouldn't listen to them. Listen to me, hyung. Listen to me."

His pale hands gripped the sheets. He felt the way a warm hand was placed atop his, long fingers easing the way the vocalist held the sheets tightly. He felt his grip loosing, soon the cold material was replaced by a hand intertwined in his. 

"Fly with me, ride with me,  
Tie me up, I’ll fly.  
No matter where you are, I'll fly,  
No matter where, I'll fly."

The main vocalist fought the shivers down his spine as honey-deep voice resonated throughout the room. The grip on his his right hand comforting. He felt the younger's thumb playing circles on his knuckles.

"Fly with me, ride with me  
Tie me up by your side  
By your side that you'll not be alone  
By your side that you're not alone. 

I don’t want to be far away, babe. I will be there.  
Sometimes I stand at the end of a deep thought  
I want to fall into your arms and fall asleep."

The main vocalist inhaled a sharp breathe, tears brimming his eyes. Doe brown eyes stared at him through thick eyelashes. The rapper raised a hand, fingers slowly tracing the trail his tears left. 

"I'll be yours,  
As you become mine.  
I will fly at any time,  
Always close your eyes."

His eyelids fluttered close. The brunette felt fingers across the skin of his face, caressing as if taking time to memorize his features. He can feel warm breathe fanning his face, the vocalist didn't dare open his eyes. He tightened the grip on their intertwined hands. The younger did the same. 

"I'll take you wherever you want,  
Even though it is higher than heaven, it'll be okay. 

Fly high in the sky,  
Sit on that cloud.  
If you have only one breath of your worries,  
Blow it up so I will be there.  
I'll be breathing near you."

Kihyun opened his eyes to stare at the rapper with all the love and adoration he could muster, he knew the younger boy deserved better. As his feline eyes stared into brown ones, all he could ever wonder if the younger was also thinking the same. 

Unbeknownst to the brunette, he was the only reason why the blonde was still wishing upom a wishing star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe every one is oblivious on their own way. 
> 
> Ps. Yes. The song in this chap is a rough translation of Changkyun's solo mixtape 'Fly with me'. Please listen to the song if you still haven't!


	6. Synched Heartbeats and One That Misses A Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One was synched, in perfect harmony. The other was messy in a way yet it held more seduction than those of synchronized currents.

The main vocalist shuddered he was snapped out of his Changkyun-induced haze. He pulled the sleeves of his hoodie (which he definitely doesn't own) over both of his hands before folding them across his chest and around his sides, tucking them into a neat fold. 

A sharp sound of a knock resonated throughout the room and the vocalist scooted away from the rapper, instantly missing the warmth the other radiated. Deep inside, he knows that he missed more than the comfort and as he pondered to himself, the main vocalist missed the pain that crossed the other's features that was immediately replaced by a feigned smile. 

A knock was heard again before a soft voice he knew very well. 

"Kihyun-ah?"

The black-haired voice sounded so small. Insecure. It didn't sound like him at all. 

He felt a thumb caressing his knuckles, coaxing. The brunette spared a glance at the blonde which the latter returned with a tight smile. It didn't reach his eyes. 

"Come on, hyung. You'll have to talk to him eventually."

The brown-haired vocalist stared at the other boy in his bed. The mirth in his eyes were gone, exhaustion visible in his face. The youngest looked so vulnerable, so damn susceptible that all he wanted to do is cradle the maknae in his arms and sing him to sleep. 

Tell me that you wanted to stay and I will let you. 

He didn't. 

Instead, the younger boy sat on his knees and leaned towards the vocalist. Then Kihyun felt warm lips on his temples. 

"You'd listen to me hyung, okay?"

The lips were moving against his temples, then there are sweet butterfly kisses on his face. The main vocalist can feel the fast beating of the rapper's heart against his shoulder. Their hearts beating in synch. It's an innocent yet wild flurry, everything beating in such a frantic, deafeningly loud cacophony. 

But it's not like the two can tell. One was still confused, heart pondering between two whom he loved dearly. One was sure but there was still something he haven't figured out. Yet. 

Another knock. 

"I'll go, hyung."

The youngest scrunched his brows as he left the bed and walked towards the door with heavy steps. His hand lingered on the door knob, his shoulders oddly tenses. The brunette heard a sharp intake of breath before the other opened the door. 

Kihyun realized a second too late that the other had been crying. 

He heard whispers behind the closed door. One voice sounded urgent. Then there were fast and heavy steps. Someone clearly had been running and he knew who it was. He ignored the pain that sat deep in his guts. 

The door opened once again. There stood the black-haired visual, dark brown orbs boring into his intensely. The main vocalist was the first to back away, looking everywhere but Minhyuk. 

"I'm sorry."

The brunette's mouth ran dry. 

He's always known the visual was bubbly, a walking light of gaiety but he knew better than the other let one. The person who stood right in front of him was also the one who pretends the best. Kihyun knew that the other was good at pretending, so good that it might have been considered his profession. 

But the Minhyuk that stood in front of him right at this very moment was genuine. He knew that the other was good at pretending, but Kihyun was better when it comes to reading the man. Minhyuk still tries to burn bright even though he's already burning out. 

"Ki, I'm really sorry—"

The main vocalist let out a smile, holding his sobs back. Then, he stretched both of his arms and not a second later, the older was a crying mess, snug against his arms. 

"Kihyunnie.. I'm really sorry. I was being a jerk and—"

The brunette hushed. He though his restrictions were good enough but he was proven wrong when the dam broke, sobs plowing through. 

From the other side of the door, the five members can distinguish the loud weeping of the two November babies. Hoseok stifled a sob while Hyungwon has his hand on the other's back. Not coaxing, just there. Hyunwoo let out a contented smile and Jooheon stared at the door with wary eyes. Changkyun, on the other hand, was staring into space with tears still in his eyes as he wondered about the two members behind the closed door. 

There they lay, smiling at each other. The visual still weeping while the other was stifling his sobs, fingers playing with a mop of black hair. 

Neither knows that the beating of Kihyun's heart was a nanosecond behind Minhyuk's and the start of the visual's beating bites the end of his own. It was an interesting, edgy and overlapping one. Two rhythm than in many ways are more seductive than harmony. 

But it was still missing a beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was another piece, just there, laying bare and beautiful. Waiting to be figured out.


	7. In Wee Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun woke up in wee hours, imagined the smell of coffee from the cups of the night-shift workers, the sound of cars and the oddly silent beeping. Then, he wasn't just imagining.

It is strange, being awake at wee hours. The light has neither the dim shade of twilight nor the greyish tones of the early morning. Kihyun felt an odd feeling creep through his chest down through the fingertips of his being. 

He pushed his covers aside and walked towards the big Victorian window of his room. The brunette stood there for a full minute, pondering before he pressed his fingers against the blind to pull it down, giving a view of the world outside. The main vocalist would lie if he said that he had the best view on his room among the others, having been right in front of the city. 

The brunette heaved a sharp intake of breathe. He can imagine the smell of the coffee from the cups the grave-shift workers had tucked deep in their hands to keep warm. He can imagine hearing the buzzing noises of cars being driven by workers who worked the night shift to their homes, probably with someone waiting for them with outstretched arms. The only thing that he didn't made up in his mind was the bright flashing lights he can see through the window pane. 

The brown-haired, still clad in an oversized hoodie that was not his, stared at a whole world that only exists for a few hours, fascinating and just that frantic, as if aware of its own brevity. He prefers the eerie softness held in the frantic wee hours, the fragile stillness they hold. Everything seems a little duller then, a little less real, and he feels sheltered, safe, a silent observer on the outskirts. It was a breather away from the stillness inside his raging heart. 

Kihyun cannot feel the smooth material of the white blinds anymore, his hands suddenly felt empty, void. Suddenly, he was aware that he let go of the plastic unconsciously and now that he's conscious, he's decided to let it go. 

The main vocalist turned toward his bedside table where a digital clock sat. Red flickering lights against the dark read 1:14 and the boy dray his sock-clad foot against the wool of his carpet and dropped his lithe body on his bed. 

He closed his eyes, and he can suddenly see an image of a smiling face with blonde hair and dimpled grin. His eyes fluttered open with a start, he clutched his chest, his heart beating fasted than normal. Damn it he says to himself. 

The brown-haired vocalist closed his eyes once again, the fleeting image was still there. Then he can remember being snugged against a someone's chest, being kissed atop his head, being sang to. Changkyun's deep voice evaded his mind, spewing lyrics to ease his troubled mind. 

Listen to me, hyung. 

Kihyun listened. He listened to the soothing voice stuck in his head and wished he could really fly with the younger in their far too realistic world, hoped that he can feel the clouds against his feet with his right hand safely holding someone else's. Then there was another hand in his left, doe eyes blinking unsynchronized, puppy-like smile, and a mop of black hair. 

Then there was the feathery and chaste kisses on his face, the sobs that wrecked through someone else's chest. The main vocalist opened his eyes, wide awake, sleep now forgotten. 

For the second time, he pushed his blankets aside and stood. With steady steps, he grabbed a pair of black pants, a black trench coat and put the clothes on hastily. The main vocalist was already twisting the doorknob of his room when he remembered his phone and wallet. 

With wallet deep on the pocket of his coat, he held his phone in his trembling hand and sent a text to a friend. 

To: Min Yoongi  
I'll be coming over to your studio. I'm bringing beer. 

Sent, 1:49 a.m.

He stuffed the phone in his pocket as he walked towards the main door with light steps, not wanting to wake his fellow members. Hand against the wall, he slipped on his shoes before opening the door in front of him and stepped out. He made sure it was locked before padding a few steps on the pavement, the rather cold breeze pushing against the mess of his tousled brown hair. 

Kihyun realized that this time, he wasn't just imagining the oddly soothing scent of coffee from the passerbys, the revving sound of the car engine as it passed by him, and he was seeing the flashing lights right in front of him without glass in between. He smiled because he knew this is where he belongs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeking for silence, that where he belongs.


	8. I Brought Beer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends bond over problems, drunken words, and tears.

Kihyun's shoulders felt limp from the weight of his thick trench coat and the case of beer he carries on both hands. Yes, he bought a whole case of beer for two. Panic-buying is an understatement for his current situation. He stood right in front of the studio's door, the weight of the whole case on his right hand and he fought back a whimper as his shoulder sagged. The brown-haired vocalist struggled to raise his left hand to knock on the mahogany door, he still did after a few futile attempts. 

It took him about five minutes of waiting before the door finally opened, revealing a not-so-glad Min Yoongi. To sum things up, the shorter guy glared at him as he spared the guy a sheepish grin. 

"What the fuck are you doing here, Kihyun?"

Being the man in question, the brunette barely shrugged before he raised the case of beer to his friend's eye level. 

"I brought beer."

Kihyun could literally hear the other's gear working through the silence. His walls will crumble in three, two, one. 

"Come in."

The vocalist bit the urge to grin as he shimmied out of his coat before following his friend through the dimly-lighted room. The rapper was probably an inch shorter than he is and as the shortest in his group, he felt an odd satisfaction to see another idol shorter than he is. Kihyun is not short, mind you, it's just being stuck with taller than average people made him smaller than he seems. 

There was a black leather couch by the wall and the brown-haired vocalist immediately let out sigh of relief as his back rested on the soft material. He felt the sofa dip beside him. 

"What are you doing here?"

Kihyun rolled his eyes and settled the case of beer on the glass table in front of him and grabbed two beers. He extended his right hand and the rapper silently took the glass. 

"I texted, you grumpy grandpa. I figured you'd need some company and prevent you from being the heir that you are."

"I can't find my phone. It's been missing for a while now." 

"Not surprising."

"Haha funny."

The brunette shifted his gaze across the neutral-colored room as he popped the cap open with his teeth. 

"The studio. It's like you."

There's the sound of liquid being swallowed. The vocalist took a swig or two as silence settled between them. It's comforting. The studio, it smelled like citrus. 

"What's wrong, Ki?"

Even with his eyes closed, Kihyun can feel the other's sharp gaze boring through the right side of his face. He drank another swig before spewing a harsh laugh that resonated throughout the silent room. 

"Do I look like a problematic teen?"

"To be honest, yes."

"Why, thank you very much. Honesty is what I really need right now."

The brown-haired vocalist gulped the contents of the beer. Damn it. It's already empty and he grabbed another bottle. Popping its cap open, he raised an eyebrow at the rapper who was still staring at him. 

"What?"

"I'll listen."

Another swig of beer. 

"I know."

Kihyun ended telling the rapper about his growing feelings that won't stop bothering him, the fast beating of his heart, his uncalled jealousy, the unusual happenings on the dorm, and the two people he adores the most. 

Yoongi, listened throughout his friend's incoherent mumbles while downing three beers. The brunette, on the other hand, drank four and a half. He'd have to thank the rapper for his not-so-worse-headache as he tried to hog the whole case to himself. Fortunately, Yoongi managed to prevent him from the trouble. 

The rapper stood from his couch, his limbs numb. He walked towards the adjacent bedroom and grabbed a spare blanket. It's just 4:39 in the morning and he already felt like he'd done a lot. With light steps, he dropped his blanket on his shivering friend and lifted the latter's legs on a more comfortable position on the sofa. 

Yoongi just shook his head and suppressed a gummy smile. 

"The things I do for you."

He backed away and grabbed the brunette's phone which lay forgotten on the end of the couch. It took him a few ministrations before drunk friend told him the password to his phone. His eyes shot towards the other's contact list and pondered who among Minhyuk and Changkyun would he give a text. In the end, he decided for Hyunwoo, as he remembered that the other was the group leader. 

To: Son Hyunwoo

Good morning Hyunwoo-ssi. This Min Yoongi. Kihyun fell asleep at my studio. I'll bring him home at eight. I'll explain later. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Sent, 4:47 a.m. 

Now, the rapper still has three hours to kill. Not literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoongi would if he could.


	9. Painkillers Don't Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruckus ensued in the dorm after realizing the group's resident hamster has run away.

Kihyun woke midway through his sleep with the overwhelming urge to lean over the side of the couch and puke. Wait — couch? Vague images clouded his mind with the scenarios from hours before. Uncertainty is not a good addition to the incessant thumping in his temples so he ended up setting his questions aside. The brunette pushed the blanket off him and heaved on the basin by the floor. With closed eyes, he was about to press the sleeve of his hoodie against his chapped lips but decided against it when he remembered who the owner of the hoodie was. 

The vocalist's mouth felt dry as he opened his eyes to met by the resting bitch face of his so-called pal, Min Yoongi. Black intense eyes stared at him as the rapper sat motionless from the opposite recliner. A raised eyebrow, he scoots back, blinking. 

"Good morning, princess."

A gummy smile was thrown his way, the brunette knew it was genuine and the ache he feels goes down by an inch. 

"I would appreciate it of you don't vomit all over my couch."

"Your displeasure is my happiness, gramps." 

Kihyun knew that Yoongi is currently smiling that kitten smile of his even without looking and he opted to give the room a quick overview instead. Black walls, white tiles, gray frames, black couches, and maroon pillows. Too fancy, definitely not the dorm. The vocalist's gaze landed on the case of beer and the glasses still on the floor. He watched as a bottle rolled on the black rug before stopping as it hit the black wall. 

"Help yourself in the kitchen."

The statement made the younger of the two look at the heap of the body in the single-sitter maroon couch. 

"You just want me to cook."

The vocalist deadpanned as the rapper just shrugged before smirking. 

"Consider it as a payment. A glass of water and painkiller is in the table in front of you, anyway."

The brunette sighed as he reached for the glass of water and popped the pill in his mouth. 

"Also clean your own vomit, dude."

The younger stifled a laugh before crouching to take the basin in his hands and stood. He stared at his pale friend who still sat unmoving in the maroon recliner. With thinning patience, the brown-haired broke the silence with a frown. 

"Bathroom?"

"Just walk straight. Second door from the left."

"I'll raid your kitchen later, you better have food in your fridge!"

"No one's stopping you!"

The brunette scurried to the direction of the bathroom, eager to dispose the remains of his stupidity on the basin to check the studio kitchen. He didn't look back but if he did, he would have seen the soft look his friend wore together with his signature gummy smile. 

"Hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"Care to explain?"

"Hell no."

I'll tell you a secret, Min Yoongi told him everything down to the very minuscule detail. 

 

Son Hyunwoo stared at the thread of messages with the group's main vocalist in his phone. It was only six when he was woken up from his slumber by the screams of his fellow member Minhyuk, shouting something about their brown-haired vocalist being missing. As if on cue, ruckus ensued in the dorm. Hyunwoo disregarded his confusion as to why the black-haired vocalist was the first one to be awake and looked for their resident hamster instead. Indeed, Minhyuk was not lying when he said that Kihyun was not in his room and the shoes he usually wore were not in the rack.

Chaos would be an understatement for the state of their dorm when the other members were shook awake. 

Thirty minutes after, he sat on the living room with five other members, sleep still clouding his mind despite the cup of warm coffee he had just finished. Hyungwon, who kept a whole sofa to himself, was mumbling profanities to Minhyuk who wouldn't stop pacing the room back and forth. Hoseok who was standing with his back rested against the couch turned to their leader and shot him a question. In typical Hyunwoo fashion, it took him few seconds to respond. 

"Hyung, you said Yoongi-ssi would take him home, didn't you?"

"Yes? It's written in the text."

Hyungwon who was staring at his untouched cup of coffee scoffed. 

"Why would hyung even leave at the crack of dawn, anyway? I know that today's free day but he still should have at least warned any of us before leaving."

The room rang with unresolved silence. The main dancer squirmed in his seat, uncomfortable. The minute-long silence was broken with a deep, hesitant voice. 

"Hyung must have enough of the shenanigans. He deserves a breather and Yoongi-hyung can give it to him. I don't even understand why everyone's so worked up. It's not his obligation to tell us everything he does especially since today is free of schedules." 

With a quick glance around the room, Changkyun sighed. His gaze lingered on the tall lead dancer who kept his eyes cast downward, abashed. 

"He'll be back in a few minutes, don't worry."

The tension was obvious and thick in the air. The room suddenly felt so crowded, Jooheon decided to take the matter in his hands. 

"I'm hungry. Kihyun-hyung better be giving us a nice breakfast. It's what this king deserves."

A pillow was thrown straight into his face then there was suppressed laughter. The main rapper whimpered as he looked at Minhyuk who stood a feet away from him, glaring at him playfully. 

"You're no king, Jooheon!"

"Can't a peasant dream big?"

Laughter ensued once again. This time, it wasn't suppressed anymore. It was genuine just like the smile Hyunwoo wore as he stared at his younger bandmates. 

Amidst the current display of gaiety, a knock was heard, then the sound of a key jingling and the door opening. Both Minhyuk and Changkyun's heart jumped at the same time, their beats gaining pace. Their reaction was not caused by mere surprise unlike what Jooheon felt, it was because of the persistent longing and worry for the person waiting on the other side of the door. 

Neither knew that Kihyun was thinking of the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized that Chapter eight was duplicated. I deleted the previous chapter nine and uploaded the new one. Here it is! I've been gone for a day so..


	10. Pizza, Anyone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wished he didn't see at all.

The laughter halted to a stop as the members waited for their main vocalist to enter the premises of the living room. It did not took long before Kihyun, still clad in the hoodie from the day before while shrugging a black trench coat off, stood before them but they certainly didn't expect the figure looming behind the brunette. 

He was lean with soft features but everything about his demeanor says otherwise. His eyes were intense despite the gummy smile he wore. Jooheon felt a shiver run through his spine. 

For a minute or two, the atmosphere became morose and no one dared to break the tensioned silence. The main rapper blinked, deciding to the take the matter in his hands. He'll spare the profanities later. 

"Yoongi-ssi, please take a seat. We certainly didn't expect a visit from you."

"Just Yoongi or hyung will do. I said that I will bring him home, didn't I?"

A coughing spree from somewhere behind the second youngest's left. It must be Hoseok, he thought. 

"We must have overlooked the situation, hyung. We were just worried about Kihyun-hyung being gone. He must have been a bother."

The older rapper let out an amused chuckle before crouching to lay two boxes on the glass table and settling on the two-seater couch. 

"Indeed he is, not that I care anyway. He's my kind of bother."

The rapper shot a wink at Kihyun who landed on the floor instead of the couch because of shock from his friend's unusual flirty behavior. The vocalist immediately stood with the help of a smirking Yoongi and sat beside him on the sofa. 

"Dude, what the actual heck?"

Another snort. Jooheon anxiously watched his bandmates' reactions. Hyunwoo looked too calm amidst the shocked expressions of his members but Jooheon knew better than what their leader let on. Hoseok was staring at the scene unfold in front of him with wide eyes and mouth left agape. Hyungwon kept blinking his eyes as if to prove himself that everything was just an apparition of his. Minhyuk and Changkyun was another thing. 

The black-haired visual wore a deep frown accentuated by his thick eyebrows. Aside from the frown he wore, his face was blank, void of emotions, so unlike the bubbly vocalist Jooheon knew. But then again, Minhyuk wasn't acting like himself lately and it wasn't a wonder anymore. 

And there's Changkyun. The youngest looked so confused, broken even. His lower lip was wedged between his teeth as blonde shimmied against the couch, his broad shoulders limp as if a mere attempt to make himself invisible in the room. He shifted his gaze from Kihyun to Yoongi and it was gone. Jooheon watched as the sullen expression slowly turned neutral, successfully hiding his thoughts. 

If there was someone Jooheon was afraid of in this room, it was both Minhyuk and Changkyun. The vocalist was good at lying. He was so good that pretending can be considered his profession aside from being an idol. Jooheon knew that behind his puppy smiles and loud laughter hid a perilous turmoil of thoughts. 

The rapper, on the other hand, is always silent. He keeps both his expressions and words neutral. He only says the truth and keeps the worst of his thoughts to himself. He doesn't get mad, at least Jooheon still haven't seen the youngest being hostile and he doesn't want to see it happen in the near future either. Jooheon shivered at the thought of the maknae's silent anger. You wouldn't even know he was already seething in rage and boy was Jooheon afraid of the thought. 

Kihyun forced a cough, asking for everyone's attention. He pointed the boxes on the table and smiled. The smile was fake, the main rapper knew. 

"I bought pizzas, figured you guys still haven't eaten breakfast."

Hyungwon immediately pulled himself into a sitting position and opened the lid of the box. He grabbed a slice and bit into the pizza, the cheese melting on his tongue. He was already halfway on his second slice when he realized that everyone was staring at him. 

"What?"

As if on cue, everyone shook their heads at the same time. The lead dancer merely frowned before munching on the pizza one again. Hoseok grabbed a slice for himself before smiling at the main vocalist. 

"Thanks, Ki."

The brunette smiled at his hyung before grabbing two slices of pizza and handing one to the rapper who sat beside him on the couch. 

"Bold of you to think, I'd want anything from you."

"Beer. Did it ring a bell?"

The rapper laughed aloud. Jooheon watched as Changkyun meekly bit into his pizza while Minhyuk held the plastic of hot sauce tight in his hand. 

"I've got the upper hand, Ki. May I do the honor of reminding you, your words earlier today?"

The brunette stared daggers at his friend which the latter returned with the raise of his eyebrows. Kihyun blushed before biting into his pizza with closed eyes. His eyes fluttered open when he felt hot air fan against his face. Yoongi's smirking face were inches away from him as he munched from the main vocalist's pizza. 

A moment of silence and stares. Yoongi backed away and slumped an arm on the backrest before grinning. Kihyun stood abruptly while grabbing rapper's wrist and pulled the older from his seat. 

"Excuse us." 

"But my pizza—"

Kihyun pulled him further to the direction of his room and the conversation was lost. The dorm was so silent that even a drop of needle can be heard but that was before the loud slamming of a door rang on the members' ears. 

Changkyun wished he didn't bite into his pizza instead, the food clung at his throat and his stomach felt heavy with bile. He should have known better. 

"Minhyuk!"

The black-haired visual snapped out of his trance and stared at his hands dripping with hot sauce. He had squeezed plastic tube tight that the plastic popped but the thing is, he didn't care. 

 

The rapper merely flinched after his friend slammed the door hard. Kihyun stood red-faced, taking sharp intakes of breath. 

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

Yoongi made gestures with his hands, Kihyun didn't bother sparing a glance at the rapper's hands and stared at the shorter's face instead. 

"Standing? If this looks different for you then I could adjust."

"I'm serious, Min Yoongi."

"Who said that I ain't?"

The rapper knew if stares could kill, he'd already be buried ten feet under to the courtesy of his hamster reincarnated friend. 

"I'm helping you out."

The brunette sighed before pulling at the strands of his tousled hair, Yoongi blanched at the sight. Kihyun was the most reserved person he ever knew. The fact that his best friend was currently breaking down in front of him made him realize how real and serious the things are. 

Yoongi took a step closer and untangled Kihyun's hand from the tight grip on his hair. The brunette closed his eyes as he felt arms snaking around his waist before pulling him against a chest. A hand laid on his back, just there, not moving or coaxing. It stayed still as if a reminder that the vocalist wasn't alone. 

"Breathe, Ki. Listen, there'll only be four members in the living room. You will find Minhyuk and Changkyun in their room, talk to them. I'll settle things with the others, okay?"

"How did you know?"

"I just did. Now, be a man and talk to your love and your life."

Kihyun chuckled before pulling away from the hug reluctantly. 

"Thanks, Yoongs."

The rapper rolled his eyes and pretended to gag while the vocalist jokingly glared. 

"Don't be a sap, it's annoying. Now flee, lover boy."

It was now Kihyun's turn to roll his eyes as tried so hard to suppress his smile. He turned the knob, deciding not to tell Yoongi that he's more of the sap he is. 

"You better fix things with Jimin, then."

Kihyun closed the door, giving his friend time to ponder about his words. With careful steps, he padded towards the room Minhyuk and Changkyun shared. The door was slightly left ajar and the brunette could see the black comforter peeking out Changkyun's bed. The vocalist's heart pounded as he walked closer to the door, hushed whispers and silent moans reaching his ears. The brunette's mind flowed with various scenarios and he shook his head, it was too much. His feet seemed to move on its own accord as he walked closed, maybe he really liked pain after all. 

His chest constricted as he blearily stared at the two figures in front of him. 

Minhyuk has his back against the wall, his arms snaked around Changkyun's neck while the rapper's hands raked under the vocalist's shirt, hidden from Kihyun's eyes. When the black-haired visual moaned against the blonde's mouth and Kihyun took it as his cue to leave. 

Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't really a martyr after all.


	11. Turn Left When Things Are Going Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sassy Hyungwon appears. Yoongi explains. Minhyuk and Changkyun confronts. A secret revealed. Kihyun is missing in action.

Pain came like waves crashing against Kihyun's chest, his eyes blearily opening as he processed the current situation absentmindedly, as if through a filter of some vivid panorama.

He can vaguely remember stepping away and turning his back from the slightly opened door, but here he was once again. His body seemed to have moved on its own accord, walking back to the direction of the room. With a heavy heart, the brunette watched the scene unfold in front of him, Minhyuk was reeling Changkyun towards the bed and they both fell with a grunt. The rapper ghosted his lips against the vocalist's ears, whispering. Then they were both mumbling words against each other's mouth, phrases he cannot hear from where he stood. 

Kihyun stilled, there were no tears in his eyes anymore. He felt oddly numb as he turned his back from the sight that wrenched his heart. Little did he know, the words shared between two lost souls has something to do with him. Silent assurances that they both stand a chance. Unheard pleas that one day, Kihyun would end up loving the two of them back. 

Needless to say, he already does. But that's something both Minhyuk and Changkyun didn't know. Things need to move fast. Kihyun's heart beat is slowly running off course, a step away from the synchronized beat he shares with the visual, another step further from the nanosecond shenanigan he has with the rapper. The main vocalist is trying to get rid of his feelings but it won't be easy as the two who has his heart in a stable hold wouldn't let him go as he wished, not that he knew. 

 

Min Yoongi sat alone in a two-seater couch across from the white sofa where four Monsta X members sat. The rapper isn't one for words, really. But he made a promise and once he did, he keeps it, words or not. 

"I'm not going to tell you anything since it's not mine to tell."

He stayed still, fingers fiddling with the loose thread in his ripped jeans. The black-haired shifted his gaze from one face to another, his eyes lingering on the one called Jooheon. He could see that the guy knew something, if not everything. 

"What are you talking for, then?"

It was the tall guy with big pouty lips and doe brown eyes who spoke. Yoongi's eyes has stayed at the long limbs sprawled in front of him a moment too long before he uttered a reply.

"Need not to be sassy, Starbucks boy. I'm here for my friend who is your friend as well. Also, please don't ogle at Hoseok, that's his name I believe, like the two of you are alone. It's kind of disturbing."

The rapper tried to suppress his chuckle as the visual's face turned to an alarming shade of red. Don't get him wrong, the boy's not his type. The guy just made him laugh from his 'Starbucks meme' he saw somewhere in twitter and the rapper hasn't laughed for ages. Maybe he'd thank the boy later on. 

"I'll take the stage, then?"

The rapper's gaze lingered on Hyunwoo, asking for permission. When the leader nodded, Yoongi let go of the thread he was playing, relieved. 

"I would personally ask for your further consideration and understanding. You would probably get a hang of the things later on. Just please, don't be too hard on him. He's been going through a lot."

Nobody spoke and the black-haired stood before bowing. 

"Thank you for your time. Now, if you'd excuse me."

Yoongi has already left the premises of the living room and was about to make his way to the door when he a hand held his wrist back. He turned around, the question in his eyes disintegrating as he saw who it was. 

"Yoongi-ssi, can we have a word?"

Lee Minhyuk stood before him with Im Changkyun by his side. To be frank, he felt intimidated by the young rapper. The blonde stayed silent, expressionless eyes fixated on his figure and Yoongi fought the chills down his spine. He took a second to compose himself before grimly nodding. 

"Do you like Kihyun?"

The rapper snorted, his discomfort easing away. The straight-forward question just didn't fit the visual. He could imagine Changkyun asking him that question but he didn't knew it would be Minhyuk who would end up popping the cherry. The black-haired vocalist stared at him as he chuckles, jaw clenched. 

"I'm sorry but I'm supposed to be the one asking the question, aren't I Changkyun-ah?"

He stared at the youngest and saw red blooming against the skin of the latter's collarbone. He frowned before shifting his gaze to the visual's tousled hair. But Kihyun went to their room and — shit. 

He took a deep breathe to relive his breaking composure. Agitated, he muttered once again. 

"I'm supposed to be the one asking that question, Minhyuk."

"You like him."

The visual stated. He was so sure of himself that he didn't even bother to question it. 

"You're not right but you're not wrong either."

Yoongi looked fixedly at the two who stood before him. Minhyuk blinked unevenly while Changkyun stared, face still neutral and eyes unblinking. 

"I can see the way you look at him and I knew what it meant."

"What do you mean?"

"I know you're smarter than that, Changkyun. You must have figured it out already."

The blonde rapper blinked before nodding at the older as if giving his permission to the other rapper to continue speaking. Yoongi spoke, in a gentle and soft voice. 

"I used to like him."

He says, out loud, for absolutely no reason at all other than to voice his own incredulity to the world. The rapper knew it was a mere assurance to himself, not to Changkyun, not to Minhyuk. Not to anyone else and he was rest assured. 

"Thats why I knew what those gazes of yours meant. I used to be the one giving those."

He turned his back towards the two and shifted the knob, the door opened by an inch.

"Now, go and fix your polyamorous relationship. If ever you hurt him again, I'd take him back."

The rapper stepped out of the door and faced the couple. 

"Kihyun must have seen your little make out session. He went to your room earlier. Tell him the truth."

For the first time, Yoongi saw emotions fleet on the once neutral eyes. If he knew better, he'd know that it lingers. Minhyuk, on the other hand, opened his mouth to speak, the rapper only let out a smile before the door closed. 

Yoongi was already walking down the streets when he realized why Hyungwon, the handsome guy who somehow resembled a frog and a turtle, felt so familiar yet unknown at the same time. Blank stares and unkempt words. The visual reminds him of his younger self. Not that he considers himself as a meme king, the rapper smiled behind his mask at the thought. 

His phone vibrated against his pocket of his jeans. The black-haired rapper swiftly took his phone out, eyes glancing at the caller before accepting the call.

"Calm down, Jimin. I just took a walk. "

Things are slowly getting on the right track but someone, preferably Kihyun, just took a left turn. Who knows, maybe it'll make matters worse. Maybe it is for the better. It all depends on the matter of maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm lonely let's be moots on twitter @CynicalRheums


	12. To Find His Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun's thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been switching point of views lately. I'll try to drop more hints as to who is the speaker beforehand. But most likely I go with Kihyun, Jooheon, Yoongi and sometimes Hyunwoo. 
> 
> On the other hand, expect there'll be less of Yoongi on the following chapters since I'll focus on the ot3. 
> 
> Changkyun's and Min's perspective will only be used when it comes to the end of the story. 
> 
> I hope this makes things a bit clearer, happy reading!

Kihyun ruminated over the fact that he fell hopelessly in love with his fellow bandmates — notices the use of 's', as he shuffled through the crowded streets of Seoul. People walked past him, a few throwing him curious fleeting glances, some discreetly hiding the fact that they were taking pictures of him, and others paying him no heed. The vocalist breathed through his black mask, somehow relieved of being surrounded by people he doesn't know. 

Needless to say, he also doesn't know where he is. He must be somewhere in the busiest part of the city, give and take. When the stoplight flashed green, the brunette crossed the intersection along with dozens of passerbys. The scent of takeout coffee heavy in cold breeze. A frail-looking woman, around mid-thirties bumped into him and muttered a small sorry under her breathe. She must have been in a hurry since before he could even tell the lady that it was alright, she was already gone. Shrugging, Kihyun locked eyes with a teenage girl who looked surprised to see him. He can vaguely remember the face from their fan meetings and he gave the girl a small wave as he walked past. He didn't look back. 

The brown-haired vocalist snugged his clammy hands inside the pockets of his padding jacket, seeking for warmth as a cold breeze whipped against his face. He took a turn to a more obscure part of the city with less people, the unsettling weight on his chest easing. Kihyun snorted, disappointed at himself for being a coward and ending up running halfway. He's good at it anyway. 

But it was the right thing to do, at least that was what he thought. He fell in love, 'fell' being the key word because everything that falls get broken and guess what? He's already torn in the edges but still a masterpiece. Not that he knew about him being an important artifact in someone's life. And he said Hyunwoo is oblivious. 

The vocalist padded across the pavement, his soles clicking against the gravel and making soft sounds. Beside him is a stall of plushies and stuffed toys and he ceased from his steps to look. He unknowingly felt his lips stretch into a smile as he stared at a certain plushie. It was a cute little puppy with black fur and even darker eyes. The flabs of the toy's cheeks were tinted red and mouth strewn into a cute puppy smile. It oddly reminded him of Minhyuk. Then there's this stuffed figure of a gray wolf. Long gray fur with dark green eyes. The vocalist's smile widens as pictures exactly how Changkyun looks, thin lips drawn in a taut line, intense eyes narrow.

The brunette shook himself out of his trance and continued to walk down the street. He used to ponder about love as a child. Now, as a full-grown adult, he still does. But he preferred it better when he was only six years old and was in love with the concept of love not with a person instead. People, to be exact. 

Why does he have to fall in love? Why does it have to be Minhyuk? Why Changkyun? Why does it have to be the both of them? Why can't it be someone else instead? Why not just one? Why do they have to be together? Why can't he be the one? Why does it have to hurt so much?

Kihyun is curious. He wants anwers for his question that he isn't getting right now and it infuriates him to the core of his being. 

A lot could be said about Minhyuk and still the brunette finds himself at a loss for words when it came to describe what the visual actually meant to him. He adds warmth to everything he associated with — 'it' being Kihyun. He is like the sun who illuminates the things surrounding him, drawing them closer. Boy, the brunette was in it deep. He was further down the endless void called Lee Minhyuk and he can't seem to find a way out, no matter how hard he tried. Not that he really did try, anyway. There's something about the black-haired vocalist that one would rather choose to harbor feelings despite knowing it will not be returned than not catching those feelings at all. Which wasn't that big of a deal, because if there was a person in the whole universe that could read Kihyun like an open book, that person was his same aged friend, the one he was in love with, who loves someone else he also loves. It was a convulsing thread of thought but he just can't seem to dispose them no matter how tiresome they become. 

Then, there's Changkyun, the only non-moving constant in his life. He didn't really know how he ended up loving the younger boy, but he remembers waking up one morning and it wasn't just Minhyuk who held a steadfast anchor in his heart anymore. He would ignore the fast beating of his heart whenever the rapper would spare him a stray glance or whenever his gazes would linger. He would pretend that it was normal for his steady composure to dissipate whenever they would touch, accidentally or not. He avoided thinking about it too much whenever his high confidence would go down by a hitch and he would end up being a spluttering mess in front of the lead rapper. The blonde is an enigma and Kihyun, being the curious being he is, is drawn to the younger guy. 

He would be lying if he said if didn't hurt. Being cast as the second lead in someone else's drama. Being just the other guy. He wanted to be more. He didn't just want to be their friend. 

He doesn't know what to do. But he had tried, god knows he had tried so hard. Still it had never been enough, and then suddenly the not enough became way too much, way too many. It had scarred him. Maybe, Kihyun is a martyr after all. No matter how much it hurts and he'll end up having more scars than the day before, his feelings would still be there, unbothered. He ends up going back to where his heart belongs. 

He clung to his unkempt emotions and the whirlwind he’d called romance, because with a single glance to Minhyuk and Changkyun whom he’d sworn he was so deeply in love with, he'd begin to pay no heed. He wouldn't run away. Not anymore, because ‘they’ are the only things that matter, be the process painful or not. He'd take the chance. 

The brunette stilled, the soles of his shoes digging in the pavement. Kihyun's thin lips were drawn taut, eyes narrow as he can't believe the sight in front of him. He stood before the dorm. Through his internal monologue, his feet has brought him back home and there's an inkling of hope bubbling somewhere deep inside him that maybe, just maybe there'll be someone waiting for him at the other end of the door. 

He'd run no more, this time Kihyun would look at it in the eye and own it.


	13. Of Discrepant Subtelty and Unsaid Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said the truth for nothing but the truth will set you free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been inactive for the few days or so. My phone broke and I ha to wait before I could afford a new one. I hope this chapter would be a good one!

There was nothing to be afraid of when you’ve experienced pain at its finest before claiming what you deserve — that was Kihyun's mantra as he stood in front of the dorm, trying to still his trembling hands on the door knob. He took a sharp intake of breath — it was so shaky to the point that one might consider it wheezing. Maybe, he did. 

The brunette turned the knob and stepped inside their oddly silent dorm. Walking further in the depths of his home, he figured that the members must have decided to spend their day off somewhere downtown. While taking his shoes off with his left hand, he took his phone from the pocket of his skinny jeans and checked his messages. So far, there were three. The first text Hyunwoo sent was from an hour ago, saying that he's going to the grocery with Jooheon. Then there's Hoseok who went to the nearby gymnasium though they have their own gym room at the dorm. Hyungwon also texted about ten minutes ago, saying that he'll eat lunch at a certain restaurant. The vocalist snorted, they weren't really discreet. The restaurant where Hyungwon went was beside the gym Hoseok frequented to. Real subtlety. He took a mental note to never ask the sleepy member for advices. Perhaps he'd add their leader to the list too. 

Kihyun glided through the dorm with practiced ease though his eyes are fixated on the phone held in his right hand. He opened the door with his unoccupied left hand and entered the premises of his room. He took his coat and pants off, neatly folding it with precision before tossing it towards his laundry basket, gaze still on the brightly-lit screen. That's why when he finally took his eyes off his phone, he screeched as the device flailed out of his hands and into the mush carpet of his room. 

There, on the comfort of his bed were two unmoving figures who kept their eyes on his gaping stature. There is a mop of black hair accentuated by the white sweater and a shock of dyed blond strands amidst a red oversized hoodie the youngest wore. There are unsynchronized blinking of black rheums and the intense yet serene look from orbs as dark as ebony.

The vocalist's mouth hang open, his gape worthy as of those from a fish out of water. The brunette closed his mouth and opened them once again. The same action was repeated for a few more times, as if bent on repeat. He tried to speak but the words were incoherent to the point that it cannot be understood. How eloquent of him. 

"Hi."

That's all it takes for Kihyun's defenses crumbled down from every tower he built with his own hands. He watched his fortress fall apart and didn't do anything about it. A simple greeting broke the line between calm and collected — prudent and defensive, yet he can't find himself to care. 

Minhyuk was still staring at him, blinking unsynchronized and somehow, it looked like he just winked at Kihyun. The brunette knew he didn't and he tried to suppress the smile that he wore, but it was to adorable even for the man he adores and he broke into a fit of giggles instead. 

Changkyun was watching at the scene in front of him with love in his eyes. Kihyun who was clad only in a white oversized shirt was doubling over in silent laughter while Minhyuk looked like he just won the lottery with the smile he adorns. The rapper blushed as he the main vocalist's shirt hiked, showing a column of his defined stomach. 

Kihyun had already stopped laughing and was dabbing tears from his eyes when he snipped a question. 

"Don't get me wrong but what are you guys doing here?"

The lead rapper smiled, his dimples on full show and the main vocalist felt his insides melt. 

"Because we wanted to spend our time with you, hyung."

Forget it. He knew he was whipped. 

Kihyun looked away, shoulders tense, the veins in his neck stark against pale skin. If he didn't shift his gaze, he'd see the way the youngest gulped. 

"I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean?"

The brunette looked at the black-haired visual. He looked hurt. No, it was at the edge of being hurt. Minhyuk looks mad whenever he's in pain and the expression he wore was something in between. His fellow November-baby stood and walked closer, every step heavy. The younger of the two was rooted at the ground. 

"Kihyun, tell us please.."

Minhyuk was pleading and it took him by surprise. The latter was the most prideful among the seven of them and him begging was something Kihyun didn't imagine seeing. Especially being the one in the receiving end. 

The brunette stilled. He'd do it. 

"I can't pretend anymore, Min. I don't want to pretend that I'm not in love with the two of you. I can't do this, knowing that I've been lying to myself all along. I know that you're together, that's why I've been trying to stop this. God knows I've tried so hard but it's just not enough. But then, you would make me feel as if you felt the same, would let me now that I an capable of being loved and the restraints I've been trying so hard to build will be gone at the moment you spared me a glance. It was just too much."

He looked at Minhyuk who had ceased from walking closer and stopped a feet from where he stood. The visual's eyebrows were scrunched and his face was impassive but his eyes — it was a window to his soul and Kihyun could drown in the gentleness it shows. Changkyun who was still snuggled by the blanket was staring at him and he stared back. The youngest spared him a small smile. He knew it was real. The brunette looked away and cleared his throat before taking the silence as a cue for him to continue to speak. 

"Tell me the truth, please. I'd rather hear it from you. Be honest with me, even if it'll hurt me, even if it'll change everything. It's better than making me believe you're being real with me—"

It happened fast. Kihyun remembers spatting words incoherently and internally cringing at how sappy it sounded, yet he couldn't bring himself to care for he knew it is sincere. It is what he feels. The next thing he knew is that Minhyuk was closing his eyes, then he felt something warm against his lips and then there was none. The visual was already pulling away while sporting a smirk. The duality took him by surprise, the latter was almost begging with unshed tears brimming his eyes about a minute ago. 

"Kihyun, I love you."

Changkyun shuffled from the comfort of his blanket burrito and grabbed Kihyun's hand, pulling him towards his own bed. The vocalist opened his mouth to speak but was hushed immediately when the rapper's lips ghosted against his earlobes. 

"We'll figure things out."

The brunette felt shivers down his spine. There was something about the youngest's deep voice that would make butterflies flutter in his stomach. Damn, he knew he was doomed when the rapper dropped his honorifics. 

"I love you too, hyung."

Kihyun felt a another weight in his bed and an arm was strewn across his waist, pulling him flush against a lean chest. The brunette leaned further into the comfort of the older's arms as he mirrored the smile the blonde wore. 

"Hush now, my babies.."

Minhyuk giggled lowly before slowly lulling them into unconsciousness with his own rendition of the song 'That's Alright'. Further deep down the lyrics of the song, Kihyun would like to believe everything is really alright and maybe, it is. 

There, flush between two bodies and under the comfort of his white duvet while being lulled to sleep by a honey-sweet voice and being peppered with chaste kisses on his face, was where he belongs.


End file.
